he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
