So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
