Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My ass is underappreciated
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
