Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
