Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
