i jhust puked up my retainher.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
