They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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