i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
