The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Please don't give away my fajitas
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
