Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
