so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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