i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
