I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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