he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
