I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
it was like eating out sand paper
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
