dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
