I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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