ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
