Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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