who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
