my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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