Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I think a kid would responsible me up
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
