So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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