I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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