If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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