god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
