I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
