If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
