My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize