I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
