You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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