I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
