Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
oh god the rape fog is back!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
