I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
