Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
