a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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