i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
