I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
