There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
