I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
