Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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