There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
only you would photoshop your dick
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
