halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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