i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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