I accidentally had phone sex last night
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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