I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
