so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She is in my trunk
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Randomize
