He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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