Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
