what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I FOUND THE LEGS
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize