Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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