The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
