And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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