the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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