I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
