Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
