You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
