I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
