I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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