Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
