You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
