I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
