You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
