His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
