he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize