When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
