god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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