Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
