it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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