My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
