he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
